letting go

i have been thinking about bees and the sun and claustrophobia and the
paycheck i haven't gotten yet and i hate those gloves and i hatehatehate
being the girl and i have been thinking of quitting my job

and i have been thinking about how terrified i am,
of the future and of right now, of the unfairness of coming out
and i'm not depressed -- i'm not -- but sometimes it feels like it;
after all, i suppose that's only natural in the dark of winter (but
what about the summer?)

and most of all i have been thinking about that bird tattoo and how i will have to let go of a lot of these things and more,
because permanent ink like that with a simple meaning like that doesn't give room for hoarding, not when you've gone and
paid money for it and not when you've gone against your mother's advice and put it in a spot everyone can see